How I wish I Could Cry

Have you ever felt a something in you heart so painful that you wish you were heartless so you will never feel the pain?

Have you you ever felt crying but not a single tear would come out and you wish your heart will drown from the inner tears you feel?

Have you ever felt being useless and you wish you didn't even exist?

Have you ever felt being taken for granted?

Like a comedian telling jokes but you only get a smirk?

Like a clown in the park making fun of himself yet nobody enjoys it?

Like a lover showing affection and yet you only get hurt back?

Sorry I could only type the tears but I couldn't show it.

How I wish I was numb,

How I wish I was dumb,

How I wish I could cry,

How I wish I'll just . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A Perfect World

Have you ever thought of a perfect world?

or

Have you ever thought of living in this world, perfect?

Well to start, we all know the world has never been perfect since the beginning of time. Geometrically speaking, The world was never a perfect sphere and it continues to evolve up until now, changing not for the better though, but for the worst.

As time goes by, each change in every generation brings both good and bad effect. Although technology brought advantages that may have helped people in many ways, making things easier and faster on the other hand, most of them have affected us mentally and socially. Technology such as; computers, video games and home entertainment systems made us unaware of the fact that it has been controlling us.

In the following paragraphs, I will show you how technology would affect us greatly and totally change our lifestyle in the near future.

I know everyone is familiar with the movie Matrix, let me ask you one question? do you know how close we are to this reality?

Everybody might not be aware of this but I think a few years from now, Virtual reality will become our world.

I will show you 3 reasons to believe that we are getting close to this.

1. Check out this Wii2 game console conceptualized by Nintendo. With the application of brain wave technology we can control everything with just our brain.

Our brain is the center of the nervous system,close to the primary sensory apparatus of vision, hearing, balance, taste, and smell. Brains control behavior either by activating muscles, or by causing secretion of chemicals such as hormones. With it we are capable of extracting information from the environment and acting in response to it. In short our brain controls everything which can be stimulated by many factors. Stimulating a brain alone allows us to feel all 5 senses as though it was real eventhough we haven't actually felt it yet.

Remember when you see a food, you drool coz you know how it would taste, you would never touch a torch coz you know it's hot and it hurts and you would never jump off the building coz you know what death is, eventhough you haven't actually experienced it.

Is there a time when you felt your dream was real? There are cases when you have felt falling off or dying in a dream and suddenly you wake up believing it was real, correct?

Our brain alone allows us to feel all senses without even actually doing anything but just thinking of it, so a virtual simulation is really possible.

2. What if we use this brain wave technology to login to a three dimensional world, a world that is virtually perfect for us. Think about second life.

Second Life (SL) is a virtual world developed by Linden Lab that launched on June 23, 2003 and is accessible via the Internet. It enables its users, called Residents, to interact with each other through avatars. Residents can explore, meet other residents, socialize, participate in individual and group activities, and create and trade virtual property and services with one another, or travel throughout the world.

In this world we become what we always wanted to be, perfect no flaws, no imperfections and without disabilities.

As of now 7 out of 10 people are online browsing the internet and community sites and that includes both you and me. Time will come 100% of our world's population are sitting in their homes connected through a network and enjoying a life in the virtual world. Sooner or later everyone will live by it.

3. Three dimensional models nowadays are becoming so real that it becomes hard to identify the real thing from the digitally designed and created object.

So if you are connected to a virtual world mimicing reality close to 100%, it would really be hard to wake up from this man made illusion.

Friendship or Business?

Base on my experience, It's hard to deal business with close friends because sometimes they would use friendship as a reason to delay payment that will soon turn out to be a debt. Or they would buy something from you that they become unsatisfied of, ruining your relationship.

On the other hand it's rather easier to make friends through business, where both of you create a mutual relationship between customer and seller. Customers just come and go, that's the good thing about it, no emotional attachment or anything but once they become close enough, they become real friends, it becomes a cycle. They delay payment that turns out to be an unpaid debt.

My Thought Prison

A prisoner I am, imprisoned by my own thoughts and paranoid by intuition. I don't ever look back at memories, I always think of what I can do at present and what I can be in the future. I know how to make friends but only for a moment because it's quite hard to get emotionally attached that it might be too difficult to take away. Yes I'm a jolly and cheerful person but I bring the image of fear and darkness so others would keep their distance.

I've been used, I've been had and I've been criticized. And now I'm always on my guard and never put it down. The fact that people can be instruments, it's either we use them or they use us, a player or a pawn.

Sometimes people are no different from a parasite, they suck blood out of you, they use you for their own benefits, they become totally dependent. For when the moment you take yourself away from them, they become madly insane, a friend turned to foe in split second, just for loosing one of their obsessed posession, YOU.

PR: wait... I: wait... L: wait... LD: wait... I: wait... wait... Rank: wait... Traffic: wait... Price: wait... C: wait...

My Thoughts on Crucifixion

Why do you think Jesus Christ was crucified? do you believe he was crucified to save mankind alone? No I don't think so, God is the ultimate being, he can make things happen and make things not happen, but why would he allow his son to suffer a brutal death?

The truth is, he let this happen to save him from the sins of mankind.

The biggest mistake God has ever made was creating his son in human flesh. Being a man alone is a sin, engulfed by so much feelings and emotions. Jesus was nurtured by his mother with these things and grew up with them.

God may have created man in his own image and likeness but he made man Rational Beings, in which man thinks and moves base on the decision he makes, where man's decision would base on his feelings and emotions.


The big difference between God and man is, God never cries, God never bleeds and God never dies. That's why God is able to create and destroy anything without question, and he doesn't even know how it feels to suffer.

As Jesus grew old he leaned more being a man, God was quite aware of that and was afraid that he would be as sinful as them. Just like man Jesus is an Emotional Being, he can be able to show a strong passion of emotion, appreciation, displeasure, even hostility, considered to be one of the sinful acts of man.

Remember how he got angry with the Pharasees for refusing even to help a sick one on the Sabbath, remember he got angry at the vendors who were committing sacrilege in the temple. There were many times Jesus became emotional and angry.

With each passion and emotion Jesus have shown with man, In God's eyes it was sinful. That's why his own father allowed him to be crucified to death, To be punished, To vanish from the world of sinful beings but there was actually a greater reason behind all this brutality. The truth is it was his affair with the Prostitute Mary Magdalene, in which he has shown a unique emotion beyond anger and hostility.

Just like man, Jesus is also a Sexual Being, he knew compassion, mercy, the tenderness of heart that turned out to be something different. . . LOVE, the greatest emotion a man could ever have but still in the eyes of God it was no different from the sinful acts of man.

For Your Eyes Only

A woman's body is just one of the great things that I truly appreciate. An artist's work is a great expression of his emotion. The beauty of it is a result of his evident love and devotion from his concealed thoughts and feelings which only his hands could express. Every passionate stroke of his brush is like a caress to a woman's body, every drop of paint is like tears which gives color and life.

Like God they could create out of their image and likeness but their is only one thing missing, it could never thank you for giving her the life and could never give love in return. A portrait of a woman is no different from a rock it cannot breathe, it cannot move, it cannot love. A man created something only his eyes could appreciate.

Letter of a Prodigal Son

I'm sorry dad if I went away. I have to face a greater responsibility. I'm sorry if i have kept it to you for so long I am what you are right now. I know how hard it is to loose someone you love, but I tell you the truth, you never lost anything there are things that i have just newly found.

We all know things change, everything grows, things happen for a reason therefore I could not stay as a child no more. I took away all the comforts in life that you have given me and have sacrificed myself to love and commitment. Even though life is so hard right now i have to face the truth, be a man and be responsible of my acts. You taught me well, you have brought me up well, you are truly the greatest dad and I am still your son.

I went away for a reason not rebellion. Though things may still hurt like a piece of heart taken, I will return with a gift to heal your heartache, a new life that has been given to me, A new flesh only you could appreciate as you grow old, another weight you could carry with your arms until you cannot carry no more, another beauty you will love until you go blind. Another face you will kiss and say "goodnight my little child".

Breaking Chains, Seeing Reality

I am proud of what i have become and have created myself to fulfill the dreams of my grandfathers. I may have broken a few hearts to seek life and independence. To break the chain of comforts that imprisoned me is to make a change in life and be different. I am no longer your child but a man who can stand on his own two feet, arms that could carry heavier burdens and eyes that could see how hard life is.

I have no right to vengeance, this ain't a violent revenge. I just want you to realize that words can hurt sometimes even if you don't mean it, Jokes that are half meant are but an insult. I cry in pain but shed no tears and smirk to silence the sigh that felt like a rock in my heart. I am proud of you for teaching me well; to be wise, to be honest and true, decent, loving, responsible, respectful and most of all be hardworking and independent. Your teachings have paid off i'm sorry if I made a turn all of a sudden. Like I said your jokes are but an insult, it was your words that pushed me out of the line and misdirected me, the words "Go away and have a life". I'm sorry if you think I made a wrong turn or the wrong choice to tell you honestly everything happens for a reason, God may have made me to make the wrong choice so I could correct his mistakes and help those who he have left behind. God use people to become his instruments and I am one of them.

Looking Glass

I don't know if this would work but to share this experience you have to experience it yourself. Everyone could have bypassed this experience or just to busy to realize it themselves or too involved with so many things with so much people. In order to really feel this you have to be alone or if you are in a busy place as much as possible make no contact with other people just read...

Close your eyes as if you are sleeping, for a minute listen to your surrounding, to the people talking or passing by, the sound of the busy streets or the place you are in right now. Then open it as if you just woke up, now see the difference? You are not with them, with respect to time and place you and other people belong to the same area, although that would be true but you are on the other side, you are actually into a looking glass. Try looking into a mirror and see your reflection standing on where you are standing, now look away and see the difference. Biologically are eyes are made to see everything around us except us ourselves which individually gives us different point of views. We can see our hands, our body, our legs but not entirely ourselves. We seem to be like a walking camera taking pictures but cannot take a picture of ourselves. We are actually just looking into this world or we're made to look after it.

If you notice there are different elements that surrounds us including people but you have to realize the big difference. People may find themselves just living in this world for no reason at all. Where actually each one of us were made to look after it. We are actually in a looking glass but not all of us could realize that. We are actually in control but we let other people control ourselves. Things around us were made to be used by us, people around are actually tools and instruments for us to achieve things in life, which shows that everything around is entirely dependent on us.

Base on Newton's Third Law of Motion were "To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." In fact every action we make could make a difference, every action has it's reaction although not really equal and opposite, things can change if we make it. We can actually be anything in this world and be greater than what we are right now, if we just know how to take control. Actually we can, only a few of us knows this because some people let others manipulate them. If we have the will we can be powerful, we can be leaders, we can be rich, we can be famous.

Only The Mirror Sees You

I wish to share you one of the weird feelings or experience I had when I was young. I think I was at the age of 7 or 10 when I realized that the world seems to stop every time I close my eyes and the world would start moving again when I open it. The world sleeps when I'm asleep, It felt like i'm in control of the world. The world seems to be like a clock without me it doesn't move at all. Come to think of it one move you make could possibly change everything around you, the people, the mood the environment actually depends on what you'll actually do.

What do you see when you wake up one early morning while everyone is still asleep? Animals, trees, structures or buildings, a few people. You actually can see the world but you can't even see yourself unless you look into a mirror. What you can only see are your two hands and feet but yourself No! Just like in a first person shooter game, Imagine! The fact is You are totally a separate being, totally apart from this world, your in it but you are not with it. With respect to place you are at the other side of the window looking at everything but with the same purpose and function with other beings. If you're in it you should be actually seeing yourself with it, with them but it seems to be impossible, that's what's confusing about it. You are just the one who overlooks it, one overseer who can possibly change the world with an action, a God but much less powerful.

What's good thing about it is you can think highly of yourself because you are beyond other beings. Others maybe greater than you are because they know this fact themselves, they've experienced the same feeling, They know they can control the world and They have become leaders of this world, The rich, The powerful and The Feared.

You are actually in control, your words that you speak and the actions that you make could make a difference in this world. The world is just like a computer game where you could actually win it with the right action. The only difference is once you've made a mistake you can never undo it or load the game again. In this world there is no saving...so think twice before you do something because one mistake may actually destroy you.

In this world you have nothing to fear, pain is temporary death is nothing because you won't know it. The fact is the world ends when you die because all you see is nothing. Just like when you put off your television all you see is black...that is actually the world you only own. So before everything shuts down make the best out of it because you can't live twice. You control the world don't let it control you.